That was then...this is now...

Abby and I usually find some time each day to visit the graveyard.  Across the street from my apartment we make our way through the woods and come out amidst the markers that date back to the mid 1800's.  It's a quiet place (can you imagine) where solace can be found on days when you could really use some.  The picture above was taken sometime in August after we'd arrived and the one below just a few days ago.  It's been rather amazing to see some of the external differences that have taken place since that time.  Which lead me to ask myself, "What about internal changes?"
That's always a bit more difficult to consider but I know I'm sensing some.  The reality is is that no matter where you take yourself you always bring yourself along.  There was this initial period of excitement after unpacking.  So many new and different things to experience.  Every time you get in your car there's no more auto-pilot.  You have to get directions for everything even if it's only 5 minutes away. Everyday's an adventure.   After the honeymoon stage you find yourself asking lots of questions.  How will I be able to get all this work completed?  Why don't I seem to have enough time to get papers written?  Where did I put my notebook?  How am I going to pay for all this without a job?  What does one ousia and three hypostases really mean and why should I actually care?  Can I go to bed yet?  Did I really give up my job for this?
At 50, I thought I was done asking this sort of stuff.  I've been there several times already.  Must I pass through this same deep, dark, forest yet again?  I can't say I pass each test with flying colors and there are days when I feel like I'm just treading water...and not very well at that.  But for some reason God has brought me back to this place, to teach me things I've yet to learn, or perhaps, just forgotten.  God give me the grace to accept my trials that I might grow to lean upon you more.
I think it's about time for another walk in the graveyard...C'mon Abby!