Summer Begins

    It's been a week since school let out and for the most part I am enjoying the lazy days of summer.  I've been reading, cleaning, and sleeping a bit later which for me is about 7:15 am.

Before leaving school a dear friend whom I had the pleasure of working with for six years sent me an email.  Her thoughts and sentiments were very insightful and I've found myself thinking of them the past few days.  

One of the 20th Century’s spiritual giants was the monk, Thomas Merton. One of his prayers was published which to me illustrates his struggles of releasing control to God.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I

do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain

where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the

fact that I think I am following your will does not mean

that I am actually doing so.

 

“But I believe that the desire to please you does in

fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I

am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from

that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me

by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. "

“Therefore I will trust you always though I may

seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear,

for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to

face my perils alone.”

 Amen.

Here is a holy man who prayed without ceasing; he taught others to pray; he wrote prolifically about silence and the spiritual life. Yet, in this prayer he is openly sharing his need and feelings of uncertainty and being out of control – yet confident that all of this is okay or as being well with his soul.

Yes, this prospect of uncertainty when relying on God can be painful. But also, yes, there is a blessing when having to wade through the internal chaos although it may be hard to see when you are in the thick of it.

With less of you there is more of God.